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Begin Every Day Anew

My personal blog - a bit of weight loss stuff, but mainly it's me babbling through text posts. So if y'all are cool with that, follow away. Secondary blog, so I can't follow back with it, sorry.

its hard to be happy and have a big ego (which i really think i do) when you know you’re just a really terrible person and that you have no right to be unhappy about being lonely when its your own fault that you push people away and that your alone

like i know its all my fault because i’m a terrible person and normally i can ignore it because i’ve been in a great place since my few weeks of debilitating depression earlier in the summer, but my awareness of being a terrible person is increasing because i fear that this depression is coming back and its just making it worse and i know that saying i can deal with having pushed people away and ignore that i’m a bad person sounds really terrible but that’s the truth

and i’m really not in a happy place right now and i don’t know what to do and i just feel like crying a lot but i really really can’t do that because i can’t let these thoughts start getting a hold of me again because its so terrifying i don’t even want to get into it what it was like a few months ago

i just don’t want to be here any more - no i don’t mean that i don’t want to live, but i mean, i want to move out i want to go back to school i want to have a life because there’s nothing right now just nothing

god dammit i’m just a bad person, i’m terrible and i’m sorry

how do girl boyfriend?

how boyfriend?

what girl why boyfriend?

i have a stomach ache

and feel ugly and fat

and lonely

i wish i wasn’t sick i’d go workout or something

ugh i’m sick and all i want to do is cuddle with someone

and i feel like crying too and i’m not sure why

but i just want to be able to cry and cuddle

and its so weird because i’m not really a cuddler but all i want to do is that right now

i really really really need to get out of the house

i have to finish my applications tomorrow so i can submit them and find out if i can leave for school in the spring

can’t someone just come and kiss me, just for a lil while?

this blog shouldn’t be called “begin everyday anew” anymore because it’s just me complaining about being horny all the time i’m sorry

i should name it like

“begin everyday seeking sex”

or like

“begin everyday trying to not think about the guy you like because he lives across the country fml”

or like

maybe i should just stop complaining and like grow up or something because reasons

and here’s another drunk night where all i want is for him to be in the same fucking city as me so we can fuck goddammit

he called me today and we talked for a bit and he said before he hung up that if my hormones are ever jumping out of my skin to give him a call and he’ll give me a virtual fucking

omg